I’ve always been weird when it comes to things to do with me. Whether it be asking what I want for dinner or asking what I want for Christmas, the questions about my own personal preference has always been a difficult one to answer. So, naturally, when it comes to “holidays” such as my Birth Day, one can only imagine how I am feeling on this particular day.
Here is why:
#1, the idea of celebrating me just because I “made it through” my mother’s pregnancy, does not make a good enough reason to celebrate.
#2, growing up, I had a couple of years where Birth Days were suppose to be earned rather than a birthright. If grades and or behavior were not up to par, I would forfeit any opportunity at a celebration.
#3, I never want to make people feel obligated to celebrate me. To outwardly announce when it is (whether it be in person or have it show up on platforms such as Facebook), doesn’t seem fair to others. If they wanted to know they would have asked.
So while I never want to tell others and make them feel obligated to celebrate me, half of me always wishes others would go out of their way to find out when my “oh-so-special-day” is and throw me some sort of surprise. Half of me wish this because if this wish were fulfilled, that would mean someone (or someones) puts me first and cares enough about me to WANT to celebrate my day. This may sound confusing and even selfish but here is why I have this desire:
I tend to always put others first and pour my heart and soul into most of my relationships. Whether they are friends or family, if you are a constant in my life, when it comes to celebrating you, I try my hardest to make you feel valued and appreciated. While I try my best to not desire it, I know myself perfectly well to know that deep down I can’t help but feel hurt when the same is not returned. Although I may be very understanding towards forgetfulness or people being oblivious, the feeling of not mattering to those who you thought cared enough to care still tends to take a toll on one’s inner-confidence.
To me, remembering details as important as a friend’s Birth Day is a true test of how much you value them and the relationship you share. Moments like these are where I am shown who truly values me and who, as devastating as it may be, simply do not. It may be quite immature and unfair but that is how I see it. The worse part is even after knowing the truth, I’ll still continue to pour until I go empty.
With that being said, here is what I’ve learned during my 19/20+ years here on earth:
#1: When it comes to how your parents choose to raise you, they almost always mean well and want the best for you. Regardless of how you may feel towards their decisions, at the end of the day, there could very well be a good reason behind all their intensions. All you need to do is be brave enough to pursue those answers.
#2: Never say never. Always be open enough to pursue new things. Try a dish you’ve been too scared to. Start a new hobby you have yet to be “perfect” at. Whatever it may be, don’t close yourself off to an idea until after you’ve given it a chance.
#3: Change is good. God is ultimately the one in charge of all our lives and how he’ll choose to change you will vary depending on what season He currently has you in. Sometimes he’ll change not you but other around you and other times these changes may not be what you expected. All you need to do is continue to do your best to rely on him and stay as open as you feel capable to what He throws at you.
#4: Having too much alone time is not good for the soul. As someone that has the habit of staying stuck in this head of mine, I tend to fall so deep into my twisted mind. Once I’m there it becomes quite difficult for me to pull myself out of the hole I dug for myself. It usually takes being with others in order for me to get back up to “normal” since Me, Myself, and I are usually my own worst enemies.
#5: It is okay to lose yourself in food. Just make sure you are able to stop yourself from making it an everyday habit.
#6: Exercising really is a good way to brighten up your mood and self-esteem.
#7: Everything happens for a reason. You may not know it at the time but in a couple of month, years, or even days, you’ll be able to see why God did what He did.
#8: It’s important to trust and count on God, but it is just as important to do your part. God doesn’t require you to do it all by yourself, but He does somewhat expect you to meet him half way. Do 50% and He’ll do so much more than YOU expected.
#9: When it comes to the little things, they truly do count. Personally I’ve realized that it is the moments where things seem to not matter that matter the most.
#10: Honesty truly is the best Policy. Why lie about how you are feeling when it will do no one any good?
#11: God has and always will provide. Whether it be with the right people, job, situation, or whatever, I am going to do my best to be done trying to make things work and just simply be.
#12: Worship is one of the best ways to experience God’s grace and his presence.
#13: All good things come in time and are best when not forced.
#14: Lighting is everything when it comes to photographing.
#15: When in doubt, hydrate. Water is truly the best when it comes to helping maintain a “youthful glow.”
#16: Rushing things will only make the process less enjoyable. When you rush the chance of you having to redo it all over again tends to increase. So no matter how complex or not something may be, always think thoroughly and carefully before you do all things.
#17: There is no place like home. To be able to sleep in your own sheets, do your own laundry, and eat a good home cooked meal are things to cherish while you still can.
#18: Give and Take truly is the Game. Always think and consider all aspects before you commit to a decision. You should always see all sides before deciding on any subject.
#19: Style is very much about how you see yourself. Never wear anything that does not embody who you strive to be.
#20: To be able to love on others, you must first learn to love and value yourself.
There are other lessons I’ve learned but these are the few that come to mind when I think of my life so far. With all that I’ve experience so far, I know that God is a good God. He has brought me out of the dark times of my past and has been able to achieve the impossible. From changing those around me in ways I never thought possible to the countless realizations he has opened my eyes to, He has proven to be faithful through it all. What amazes me still is how He has never left and WILL NEVER leave me, even when I continue to doubt Him time and time again.
God is good. Life is good. I am good.
Here is to a new era