The Dreaded Scale:

I’ve always been someone who finds the discussion of one’s weight quite the touchy one.  Whether it just be the parental asking out of concern or individuals who thrive on shaming others, the subject is one that has never sat well with me.  Whenever I am asked, the question always bothers me because I am an individual who has never been 100% confident in my own body.

I could say I have no idea why I can’t seem to ever slim down, but that would be a lie.  I know perfectly well why and the reason is quite simple: I hate exercising and am too in love with food to break things off.  If no one’s going to say it for me than I will: I’m quite the lazy bum when it comes to fitness.  I hate exercising.  Besides the yearly family ski trips and occasional swims here and there, the only exercise I REALLY enjoy would be walking and “power walking” if you count those two as two separate things.

A lot of my confidence for the day comes down to how I feel towards my body in the morning.  If I feel pretty good my mood usually starts pretty high.  It’s only after I leave my doors when I start having issues with not only myself but also the world.

Why is it that our bathroom scales have so much power over our self-esteems?

Weighing myself has always been a morning activity that I both dread and look forward to.  Frankly, it’s quite awful how my weight can affect my confidence for the day.  Yes everyone says that your weight shouldn’t and doesn’t define who you are, but man does it still hurt when the numbers are not what you expected and or hoped for.  If you’re anything like me, you start feeling low and quite regretful of the food choices you previously made (darn you giant piece of pie).

It’s time to face the music:

I have a love and hate relationship with my bathroom scale.  If I weigh less than the previous day, I tend to feel a lot more confident and even a lot sexier.  Now on days where the numbers are not in my favor, My mindset is usually to crawl under some rock and hide from the rest of the world. Why? Because in my head I consider majority of those I see daily to be far more attractive than I. If that’s not a crisis in confidence I don’t know what is.

I hate that I let my weight define my day but as the old saying goes, “old habits die-hard.”

Recently I decided to try an “experiment”: stop weighing myself and only use the scale every 10 days or so.  Now Instead of focusing on how many pounds I possessed for the day, my job was to just do what any normal human would do: eat, sleep, do stuff, get on with life.  The first couple of days was quite odd. I remember waking up one day and wanting to see what today’s number was before reminding myself not to for I was trying to rid myself of such a horrendous habit-turned-obsession.

After a couple of days of struggling, I started to go through everyday scaling free and made quite the self-discovery: the less I focused on numbers, the happier I was. My confidence levels were overall higher, all because the daily scaling stopped.

When comparing myself to others, I’ve often thought the following thoughts:

“If I was as skinny as her…would I still be me?”

“Am I willing to give up what she perhaps did to look that way?”

“Would I be any happier than my current mood? “

“How long would it be until the satisfaction wears off and the self-criticism comes back to take an even bigger bite of my soul?”

And more.

The answers to all those questions all sum up to the following: No I would not be any happier. Even if I was, I know myself too well to know that it’d only be a short while before the comparing begins and how much harder judgement day would hit the next time around.

I would say numbers don’t define you and that I no longer compare myself to everyone I meet when it comes to their body, but that would make me a liar. So while I can’t tell you that I will say this:

On my own journey to being okay with my body, how I look and feel everyday,  I’ve realized that the more I focus on all the good I have going, the easier being okay with my reflection I seem to be.  I smile more and am, well, happier.

It’s a journey, not a race.  Not everyday is going to be a 100% one. There will be days when you will hate the fact that you love to eat and dread exercises like running.

Accept who you are.  I know that I am someone who just won’t stop eating the world’s creations and will always (maybe) despise running.  Know who you are and acknowledge it.

I’m not saying I am 100% happy with how I look and feel in what I wear, I’m just saying while I still have negative days regarding my body, I have far fewer days of self-loathing than I did years ago.

Focusing on other parts of me that I’m proud of has helped immensely with how I present myself on a regular basis.  Life isn’t all rainbow and what the media advertises. To be okay in your own skin takes practice and TONS AND TONS of reminding yourself how much you are loved by others, regardless of what the scale says.

The bottom-line is, while it would be nice to be model thin and look like those I look up to fashion-wise, I would not be me if I looked any different. I am, in fact, a women who is not slender but rather has a bit of sass around the hips (curves, as less as they are), and someone who will always (probably, most-likely) have the most issue in areas like her stomach and thighs. I will never be 100% satisfied and while that sucks, it’s about time I develop the habit of appreciating all that I am on a daily basis.  I have grown to be okay with who I am, how I look, and more accepting and forgiving of all that is me.

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There will be someone who loves me for who I am, weirdness and curves and all, regardless of what the scale says.

While I am not good at keeping my number on the scale down, there’s plenty I am great if not fantastic at. I just need to remember to remind myself of all the skills I have and growth I’ve done.

Life’s too short not to eat that cupcake. So eat it.

Thanks for reading!

Til Next Post!

-SL

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