I believe in being honest with yourself and coming to terms with the facts at hand. Sometimes honesty comes as easy as breathing but a lot of times it is considered the most difficult trait of all to hold on to and accept. We might not always like the truth and may choose to not acknowledge its presence, doing all that we can do not “deal with it.” There have been quite a few things that I have been having trouble lately wrapping my head around or rather accepting, and one of the truths is about friendships.
From the time we made that first friend of our’s, our journey with the concept of friendship has been quite the ride. While some have had the same friends since birth, others go through friends like girls go through make up wipes (tossed out once all used up). Few are lucky enough to have the skill to keep strong ties made while most learn the hard ugly truth(es) about the friends they’ve made along the way.
Friendship is not forever.
Now before you start getting all worked up and calling all your “besties” to reassure your value in their lives, hear me out.
Making friends have always been something I struggle with. It’s not so much that it’s hard for me to make connections with others, it’s the lasting part that has always frustrated me. I spent most of my years in my school trying all I can to hold on to the friends I made and constantly felt the need to prove just how valuable I am to the people who I considered my friends. I tried so hard because of my fear of being left out, or rather, behind.
I distinctly remember in middle school a conversation with my friend where he asked me something along the lines of why I wasn’t hanging out with him as much anymore. My response to him was something along the lines of because my other friends would be mad because I wasn’t hanging out with them when REALLY it was because I saw that he was alone and didn’t want to end up like him, let alone be associated with him. Now it’s been about a decade since then and to this day I still feel guilty for choosing to abandon him. Perhaps that’s why I have become quite good at noticing when others may not feel as included when part of a group and feel so compelled to do something about it, but more on that another time. I mentioned that part of my past to show the lengths I would go to stay included in a group of friends that I honestly was never close to or felt that I belonged with to begin with.
My point is from a young age I’ve always thought that friendships only grow stronger over time when really plenty will die and wither out before the time your out of school. However, I do think that since each relationship is unique to itself, the durability of each depends on the amount of time and effort both sides is WILLING to contribute to the friendship. If you or the other party is the only one constantly reaching out to the other side, eventually you’ll start questioning why you keep trying, if it’s still worth all the hardship, and or question if it’s time to just accept the relationship for what it is/has become.
Like romantic ones, a relationship with a friend goes through pretty much the same stages. From the first meeting all the way down to the break-up, a friendship can go the entire just as many times as a boy-girl relationship can, and sometimes just as toxic as those can be.
What I’ve come to terms to in the last couple of years is that not all friendships are meant to last and that sometimes the best things to do is accept things for what they’ve turned into. It’s sad because we have the tendency to make pacts and promises between friends such as promising to always be there for each other, to always be friends “forever”, to always stay in touch, when really that is not always possible and we’re just setting us up for disappointment when that false hope fails us.
This year has been a year full of inner-reflections and one of the many things I’ve realized is that if things are meant to be, or rather, last forever, then they’ll happen/last. There is no need for me to constantly put myself out there and try to force something that MAY not suppose to for “a lifetime.” Whether I like it or not, friendships will sink and those that are meant to last will last without me constantly worrying. If we drift apart and are no longer “best friends” then that’s fine because, as cheesy as it may sound, I will always be thankful for/cherish the times we had and all that I learned/became during the duration of our closeness.
I am who I am today because the friendships I made, lost, gaining.
To all who have left and those who are still around: thanks.
Til Next Post!